We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
