I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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