Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can you bring me the toilet please
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
