guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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