So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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