happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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