I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
