She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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