It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
