just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
