I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
