I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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