I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
