I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
