I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
