I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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