I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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