ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
