dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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