Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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