thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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