I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
