I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
where are my eyebrows?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
