I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
