How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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