If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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