I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
