It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
