I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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