Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
