so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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