Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
