Kiss
Puke
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
