a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
