Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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