i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
