i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
