pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
