I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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