Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
