I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
