I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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