If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
