ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
