someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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