god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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