Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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