i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
