3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I looked at my own cervix.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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