This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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