There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
