I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
