yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
