If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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