I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love you.
Bad choice
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