I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She bit a glass in half.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
