I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize