so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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