what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
