New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
