Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
