I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
