OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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