3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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