If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You've changed since you got that strap on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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