Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
