I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
