i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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