The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
