I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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