Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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