When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
