The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
