I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize