to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
