you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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