it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
