Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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