he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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